


The Secrets of Queen B

by summers-maclay-lehane (ofstormsandwolves)



Series: back before dawn [2]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Temporary Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s01e12 Prophecy Girl, Episode: s02e01 When She Was Bad, Family, Sisters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:47:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22282852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofstormsandwolves/pseuds/summers-maclay-lehane
Summary: In the summer of 1997, Buffy and Dawn spend the break in Los Angeles with their father. But Dawn knows there's something weird going on with her sister, and she's going to figure out what it is...Or, we see Dawn's take on Prophecy Girl, Dust (How I Survived My Summer Vacation volume 1), and When She Was Bad.
Series: back before dawn [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1601470
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The events that take place after Prophecy Girl (Giles's apartment, the scenes in Los Angeles, Buffy being unable to touch people) are from the How I Survived My Summer Vacation anthology- or more specifically, Dust by Michelle West.

The first thing that tipped Dawn off that something was wrong with her big sister was that Buffy wanted to get out of town.

Ever since discovering her older sister was a high school student by day and a vampire slayer by night, Dawn had not only kept the secret from their mom but had also kept an eye on Buffy. Even though she was only ten, she knew what Buffy did was dangerous and she couldn’t help but be worried. Truth be told, she often didn’t sleep until she heard Buffy creep back in through her bedroom window in the early hours of the morning.

But Dawn also knew enough about Buffy’s double life to know that something big had to be going on if she planned to walk away from it all. She wasn’t as dumb as people thought she was, and something about her sister’s actions worried her.

“You know the gallery’s open on weekends,” Joyce was telling Buffy gently.

“Mom, please!”

Buffy’s tone could only be described as begging, and Dawn hovered nervously in the doorway, fighting the urge to run across the room and hug her sister. Surely their mom would have to notice something was off; as much as Dawn loved her mom she also knew that she was very good at overlooking the odd elements of Buffy’s life. Particularly after Los Angeles and the hospital.

“Isn’t the Prom tomorrow night? Or Spring Fling, whatever they’re calling it?” Joyce asked, fixing her elder daughter with a concerned look as she sat on the bed.

Buffy shrugged, noncommittally. “I... I guess.”

A look passed over Joyce’s face, a look that usually meant she’d figured something out. “Nobody asked you?”

Dawn watched as her older sister swallowed. “Oh, someone...” 

That was met with a sympathetic smile. “But not the right someone. See, sometimes I actually do know what you're thinking.” Joyce stood and crossed to Buffy’s closet. “Well, then, uh, this probably isn't the best time for this, but, uh...”

Dawn stepped further into the room as Joyce opened the closet door. Hanging in the closet was the prettiest white gown Dawn had ever seen. A pang of jealousy flashed through her as she realised how much Joyce must have spent on the dress. _She_ hadn’t got a new dress. 

Joyce smiled gently at her elder daughter. “I saw you eyeing it at the store. I figured...” 

Buffy stood, and there was a strange look on her face. Somewhere between awe, sadness, and disbelief. “Mom, we can't afford this.”

So Dawn wasn’t the only one who thought that. Folding her arms across her chest, she fixed her mom with a look, waiting for her to notice.

“The way you've been eating, we can afford it.” Joyce caught Dawn’s eye. “And when you have a fancy school dance, you can have a new dress too, honey. I just thought your sister deserved a treat.”

Joyce’s words made Dawn feel a little guilty as she processed them. Their mom was more right than she thought she was. Every night, Buffy risked her life, fighting the monsters that grown-ups said didn’t exist. And nobody was ever allowed to know about it. 

“I guess,” Dawn shrugged, trying not to sound too agreeable. If she played it right, maybe mom would make her pancakes for breakfast tomorrow as a consolation. But then she saw the look on Buffy’s face as she still stared at the dress. The weird look was still there, and it made Dawn’s tummy feel all funny.

“It's beautiful.”

“I think you should wear it,” Joyce told her gently. “To the dance.”

Buffy tore her gaze away from the dress, and her eyes very briefly caught Dawn’s. There was a sadness there, which Dawn felt was more than just a reluctance to go to a dance alone. 

“No, I-I can't go to the dance.”

“Says who?” Joyce asked, apparently not seeing the same look in Buffy’s eyes that Dawn did. Or, if she did, she didn’t realise why it was so frightening. “Is it written somewhere?”

A look passed across Buffy’s face then, and Dawn didn’t know what it was. It was only for a split second, and for a moment she thought it was perhaps her imagination. Their mom certainly didn’t seem to notice.

“You should do what you want,” Joyce continued.

And as Joyce started regaling Buffy with tales of her college dances, Dawn studied her older sister. No, she wasn’t as dumb as people thought. She wasn’t just some little kid. She was some little kid whose older sister risked her life every night and Dawn couldn’t talk to a single person about it.

Well, that wasn’t entirely true. There was Willow; she was nice, and fun. And Xander, who was really smart, no matter what anyone said. Ok, he perhaps wasn’t book smart like Willow, and Dawn didn’t really consider him street smart either. But he was smart, in a way that she couldn’t put her finger on. He understood more than people gave him credit for, like Dawn did. He saw things that others didn’t, and he got how scary it was for Dawn, having a Slayer as an older sister.

Then there was Mr Giles. He was Buffy’s Watcher, and Dawn supposed she _could_ talk to him about it. But she rarely saw Mr Giles, and when she did he always seemed a bit stern and a bit annoyed with her, like he didn’t really want her there. She couldn’t quite see him as someone she could talk to.

As Joyce finished her story, Dawn saw that Buffy was looking somewhat- what was the word? Wistful. 

“And you had your whole life ahead of you,” Buffy commented, a tinge of bitterness in her tone.

Joyce smiled. “Yeah.”

Buffy gave a tight smile in response. “Must be nice.”

And if Dawn hadn’t already been worried, she was now.

* * *

“The dress looks good.” Dawn had tried for a cheerful tone as she complimented her sister’s attire, but the lack of acknowledgement for the compliment made her frown.

She was stood in the doorway to her sister’s bedroom, watching as Buffy took in the sight of herself in the white gown. It did look good, but there was a shadow over Buffy’s face, and something in her posture that suggested she wasn’t as excited as she should have been. It didn’t make sense.

“Buffy?” Dawn said as her sister still didn’t look at her. “Is everything alright?”

Forcing a smile, Buffy finally looked at her younger sister. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

But just then, Joyce appeared behind Dawn, gently urging her out of the way with a worried expression on her face. 

“Buffy? There’s something on the news, it’s Willow.”

And as Buffy’s expression shuttered and she hurried from the room, Dawn felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. For reasons she couldn’t explain, she suddenly felt compelled to follow her sister. 

“What’s going on?” Dawn asked as she hurried down the stairs. “Buffy? Tell me!” 

Buffy ignored her, instead heading for the front room. The television was on, the reporter talking about an attack at Sunnydale High, about deaths and blood. Buffy turned on her heel and headed out of the room. She didn’t even look at Dawn as she pulled on a jacket and headed out onto the porch, and Dawn skidded after her in her sock-clad feet. She followed her older sister halfway across the front lawn before Buffy finally faced her.

“Go back inside, Dawnie. Just... Stay inside.”

There was a pained expression on Buffy’s face, and Dawn swallowed.

“Is... Is this a Slayer thing?” she asked lowly. 

“Dawn-”

Taking that as a confirmation, Dawn spoke again, cutting off her sister’s excuses. “How bad. Buffy, how bad?”

Buffy clenched her jaw and fixed her gaze on a spot above her head for several seconds, before looking back at her. “You know I love you, right?”

Bile rose in Dawn’s throat at that. “Why... Why are you saying that? Why now? Buffy, what’s going on?”

Even as Dawn panicked, tears were welling in Buffy’s eyes, and she again looked away for a moment to compose herself.

“Just go back inside. Don’t breathe a word of this to mom. I’ll sort it.”

Something about the way Buffy wouldn’t look her in the eyes made Dawn panic. “And then you’ll come home, right? You’ll sort it and you’ll slay the monster and you’ll come home.” Dawn’s words were coming faster and faster the more she panicked, her voice rising in pitch. “Buffy? Tell me you’ll come home?”

And then Buffy’s arms were around her, hugging her close, and Dawn just stood there, dumbfounded. Why wouldn’t Buffy answer her?

“Dawn,” Buffy said as she pulled away, voice a little shaky even though she tried to hide it, “I love you.”

Dawn was still trying to figure out what that meant as Buffy turned and walked away down the street. She couldn’t help but feel that that had been a goodbye.

* * *

Later that night, Dawn still hadn’t heard from Buffy. Joyce seemed unfazed, and had mentioned something about her probably being with Willow. There’d been an incident at the school, apparently, and while the news- and her mom- had claimed it was some gang-related thing, Dawn suspected something worse. 

Maybe that was all it was; perhaps Buffy had defeated whatever evil there was, and had gone back to Willow’s to check on her. Or perhaps they’d all gone to the school dance. Yes. That was it. She’d check the school dance!

Taking a leaf out of her older sister’s book, Dawn shimmied out of Buffy’s bedroom window after having told her mom she was going to bed. Apparently, it was a lot harder than it looked, climbing out a window and off a roof. But with minimal bumps and scratches, Dawn picked herself up and hurried through town to the Bronze.

She’d grabbed a cross from Buffy’s room before leaving, Mr Giles’s angry lectures about being prepared seared into her memory. Clutching it with both hands, Dawn jumped at every shadow, every bark of a dog, and every flap of a bird’s wings. 

She made her way across town like that, until the sounds of the Bronze carried on the winds. Following the distant strains of music, Dawn took a breath and braced herself for what she might find.

* * *

It was only when Dawn reached the Bronze that she realised she didn’t quite know how she was meant to get inside; after all, she wasn’t exactly the right age for the club. But as Dawn ducked down a side alley she saw a door, probably an exit for smokers to escape the noise of the club. Tugging it open, the ten year old slipped inside, letting the door shut behind her.

There were a few teenagers making out in the corridor, and Dawn edged around them with a look of disgust. Stepping into the Bronze proper, she took in the vast number of Sunnydale High students, and her heart sank as she scanned the area and caught no sight of Buffy’s white dress, nor Willow’s red hair or Xander’s tall frame.

“Aren’t you a little young to be here?”

Dawn whipped round, wide-eyed as she saw a tall brunette surveying her with an arched eyebrow.

“I- I’m looking for my sister,” Dawn managed, back rigid as she surveyed the girl in front of her. “Buffy Summers.”

Something in the girl’s expression changed a little at that. “You still shouldn’t be here,” she said, though she sounded a little amused. “Cordelia Chase. Come on, I’ll take you to Buffy.”

Oh. Dawn had heard a little about Cordelia from Buffy and the others. She was a cheerleader, and one of the most popular girls in school, and Xander and Willow didn’t seem to get on with her. Dawn had thought she’d sounded a little like Buffy had been back in Los Angeles. Buffy had been a popular cheerleader like Cordelia, before everything went weird and she burnt the school down and their parents got divorced.

Surprisingly, Cordelia held her hand out to Dawn then, and with a small smile led her through the crowd. As they made their way through laughing students, Dawn surveyed the area, craning her neck for any sign of her sister.

And then suddenly, there she was. Her hair was a mess, and her dress looked dirty, but she was alive. And so were Xander, and Willow, and Angel (though could he really be considered alive?), and Mr Giles, and a woman Dawn didn’t recognise.

“Look who decided to join us,” Cordelia said as she approached the table they were gathered around.

It was Mr Giles who looked up first, and the pleased expression he’d been wearing as he talked to the woman faded when he caught sight of Dawn. Buffy saw her second, and something in her eyes shuttered. She seemed to draw in on herself, and it made Dawn frown.

“Dawn? What are you doing here?” Buffy demanded as she approached.

Cordelia let go of Dawn’s hand and rolled her eyes. “You’re welcome,” she said sarcastically. “It’s not like I rescued your little sister from stumbling around the Bronze by herself.”

Buffy arched an eyebrow but then gave Cordelia a small smile. “Thanks, Cordy.”

“Whatever,” Cordelia responded, but she smiled as she slipped off into the crowd.

With Cordelia gone, the attention was back on Dawn.

“You really shouldn’t be here,” Willow said with a frown. “I mean, not that it’s not great to see you! But- But the Bronze isn’t really a place for a ten year old.”

“Buffy didn’t come home,” Dawn said with a shrug, knowing her voice was shaking a little. “I got worried.”

Everyone shared a look then, and Dawn didn’t know what that meant.

“Maybe we should all call it a night, anyway,” the woman piped up. “It’s been a long night.”

“Aww, Miss Calendar,” Xander complained jokingly, “do we _have_ to?”

But Mr Giles was nodding. “I think Miss Calendar’s right. It’s been a difficult night for all of us.”

Dawn was watching Buffy, however. She was stood with her arms folded over her now-dirty dress, a distant look in her eyes as everyone talked around her.

“Buffy?” Dawn whispered, touching her sister’s arm. “Is everything ok?”

Seemingly snapping out of it, Buffy forced a small smile and a nod. “Yeah. It’s fine.”

“Did you slay the monster?”

There was a flash of fear in her sister’s eyes that made no sense to Dawn, then.

“Yeah. Yeah, I did.” She glanced to Mr Giles, and there seemed to be a silent conversation between them. “Come on. Let’s go.”

* * *

Mr Giles ran Dawn and Buffy home in his old, tiny car. 

“I did bring a cross with me,” Dawn piped up from the backseat after it became clear Mr Giles was very unimpressed with her actions.

“Yes,” he said evenly, glancing at Dawn in the rear view mirror. “But it was still very foolish leaving the house alone. And I’m not just talking about vampires.”

Dawn frowned as she processed that. “Oh. I didn’t think about demons,” she admitted.

Mr Giles and Buffy shared an awkward look at that.

“Uh, Giles meant humans, Dawnie,” Buffy explained quietly. “You’re a kid. Someone could’ve tried to grab you, take you.”

That made Dawn frown further. She hadn’t thought about that, either.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “I just... You scared me earlier. When you left. It sounded like you were saying goodbye.”

There was another look then. Dawn wished she knew what that meant.

* * *

When they got back home, Dawn had to climb in through the window, seeing as she wasn’t supposed to be out in the first place.

“Just- Just be careful,” Mr Giles said, watching worriedly from his car.

But Buffy gave her a leg up and only moments later Dawn was clambering into her sister’s room. Buffy went in through the front door, of course, and it took her nearly fifteen minutes before she came upstairs. Not that Dawn was timing her.

Ok, maybe she was. But she just wanted to talk. She’d been pretty scared about some of the stuff her sister had been saying or doing, and whatever had happened Dawn wanted to know about it. But when Buffy finally entered the room, she looked tired, and uncomfortable, and something else she couldn’t put her finger on. So Dawn decided to be mature, and left her older sister alone for the night. 

They could talk tomorrow instead.

* * *

But Dawn didn’t talk to Buffy the next day. Or, rather, Buffy didn’t talk to her. She made excuses about going out, and when Dawn trailed after her she tried to shake off her little sister by saying she was going to Mr Giles’s to train. 

Dawn didn’t believe her, so she followed anyway, and when it turned out the Slayer hadn’t been lying she instead just sat on Mr Giles’s sofa. There wasn’t much training, though, and she watched as her big sister stood in the middle of the room, not listening to a word Mr Giles said.

But unlike their mom, the librarian seemed to notice there was something wrong. For a moment, Dawn thought that an adult might actually take over the worrying. But as he instead started talking about how Buffy didn’t have to be worried about the Hellmouth, the ten year old’s brow furrowed. Even she knew that wasn’t what was bothering her big sister. She didn’t know exactly how she knew that, or what was actually going on, but that was a fact she was certain of.

She said nothing though, watching as Buffy handed over a small piece of folded paper. Their father’s phone number, for when Dawn and Buffy were in Los Angeles.  


“What could possibly go wrong?” Mr Giles asked, holding the paper out as though not entirely sure what to do with it.

Buffy arched an eyebrow. “You want a list?” she snarked. 

Dawn watched as Buffy argued the merits to her Watcher and he eventually conceded defeat. But as they shook hands upon reaching an agreement, Buffy froze. Her eyes went wide, her back rigid, and face white.

“Buffy?” Mr Giles asked, just as Dawn yelped the same.

Buffy snapped out of it. “Giles?”

“Buffy! Are you alright?” Mr Giles looked concerned, possibly even frightened if Dawn didn’t know better. She doubted Mr Giles got frightened. He fought monsters after all.

“I... I’m fine,” Buffy insisted.

But the concerned look didn’t leave Mr Giles’s face, not even as Buffy made her excuses for them to leave. Dawn still didn’t quite know what had happened as she was propelled from Mr Giles’s apartment and across the courtyard.

Judging by Mr Giles’s concerned face watching them leave, he didn’t quite know either.

* * *

Their dad came to pick them up for their summer in Los Angeles, and Buffy stood staring at their father in the middle of the hall. Dawn had dutifully hugged him, but the sixteen year old seemed much more reluctant.

Even as Hank stood with his arms outstretched, Buffy just stared at him.

“Hi, Dad.”

Dawn saw the moment her father stiffened as he realised he wouldn’t be getting a hug from his older daughter, and from the look on her mom’s face she’d seen it too.

“Buffy,” Joyce asked, frowning slightly at her actions. “Is something wrong?”

“No.” Buffy blinked. “No, nothing’s wrong.”

Things got pretty awkward then, and somehow it only got more awkward when their dad grabbed their suitcases and said he’d wait in the car. As he left the house, Dawn watched as their mom fixed Buffy with a look.

“Tell me the truth, Buffy,” Joyce said, voice quiet and serious. “What’s going on? Do you not want to spend the summer with your father? You seemed so excited about it last week.”

Buffy shrugged. “A lot can change in a week.” She turned to Dawn. “We should go. Dad’s waiting.”

She didn’t hug their mom goodbye, and Dawn couldn’t help but wonder why.

* * *

The two-hour drive was awkward at best, and things only got more awkward when their dad accidentally spilled about his new girlfriend. He’d been so worried that Joyce might have mentioned it that it all just sort of came out in the car. Dawn didn’t know what to think of that; their mom hadn’t so much as talked about another man since the divorce, and suddenly their dad was talking about this new girlfriend of his who might even move in with him.

Buffy wound the car window down, letting in the smog and exhaust fumes, and for a moment Dawn wondered if she’d just climb straight out of the window to avoid talking any more about this Wendy woman their dad was seeing. It didn’t seem like a bad idea.

But they all stayed in the car, and they stayed in the car until they pulled up at the new place. It was an apartment, not the expected house. Of course, Dawn had known that their old house had been sold during the divorce, but there was still something a little odd about it.

“You’ll have to share a room, I’m afraid,” Hank said as he lugged Buffy’s over-filled suitcases and Dawn’s not-quite-so-over-filled suitcases towards the apartment block door.  


"Great,” Buffy said, in a tone that suggested it was anything but great.

To be honest, Dawn wasn’t thrilled about sharing a room either. They’d never had to share a room. And she bet Buffy would hog all the wardrobe space and the vanity unit- if their dad had even thought about a vanity unit- and she’d leave all her slaying stuff all over the floor-

Well, that could be fun, she supposed. Sharing a room with Buffy meant sharing a room with the Slayer and all that that entailed. Dawn didn’t quite know what ‘entailed’ meant, of course, but she’d heard Mr Giles say it once and it sounded clever and Willow had said it was a fancy British way of saying ‘involved’. 

Buffy got her own set of keys, and Dawn tried not to look too put out about that. It was the dress all over again.

“I can carry one of those,” Buffy offered as she unlocked the door. She looked pointedly to the suitcases.

“I’m fine,” their dad responded. 

Even Dawn could see that he wasn’t fine, but she wasn’t about to say that. But Buffy wouldn’t let it go, and she tried to offer again.

“You haven’t changed much, have you?” Hank joked, and Buffy stiffened. “You haven’t wanted my help since you turned thirteen.”

A look of confusion passed over Buffy’s face. “Thirteen?”

“Give or take a few months,” their father conceded, although that didn’t seem to ease Buffy’s confusion. “You got so independent so quickly.” “It seems like I took a business trip one month and came back to a whole new girl.”

Hank looked to Dawn then, so he didn’t see the pained look on his elder daughter’s face. But Dawn did.

“I came back to two whole new girls,” he said, giving a sad smile. “Of course, everything Buffy did you were never far behind her.”

The two sisters shared a look at that.

“Yeah, not so much anymore,” Dawn said with a nervous laugh. “There’s some stuff Buffy can do that I can’t.”

Their dad arched an eyebrow at that, fixing his elder daughter with a look. “It doesn’t involve boys, does it?”

Buffy’s face was blank. “No.”

* * *

The shared bedroom was bigger than either girl had expected, with a big window framed by hot pink curtains. Some effort had clearly gone into the room, although Dawn couldn’t tell if it was their dad or new-step-mom Wendy who was behind it all. 

The beds were... Well, they were bunk beds. He’d got them bunk beds, like they were still little kids, like they’d wanted when they were little kids. At double digits, Dawn was too old for bunk beds. She was certain of it. She was even tempted to make a comment about it. But as she caught the look on her sister’s face- a strange echo of childish excitement wasn’t quite hidden- she changed her mind.

Buffy hugged their dad then, and Dawn saw the moment she stiffened. Just like she’d done with Mr Giles. 

Almost immediately, Hank misread what was happening, demanding to know if Buffy was mad at him. She tried to play it off as car sickness, and Dawn suppressed the roll of her eyes. Unsurprisingly, he didn’t believe it for a second, but did agree to give Buffy some time to lie down.

* * *

“I suppose he tried,” Dawn said as they took in their new room without their dad watching their every move.

“Yeah,” Buffy said. She sounded distracted. 

Buffy let Dawn have the top bunk, and the fact she didn’t fight her for it seemed weird. Instead, as Dawn clambered into the top bunk, the sixteen year old grabbed the phone by the bed and punched in a set of numbers.

“Dawn? If you repeat any of this to anyone, I’ll stake you.”

“Fine,” Dawn responded, leaning over the side of the bed to stick her tongue out.

That got her a roll of the eyes. So Dawn lay there silently listening in as Buffy spoke to Mr Giles on the phone, about how whenever she touched someone she saw them die. She couldn’t hear what Mr Giles was saying in response, of course, but it was probably very serious and very British. And the longer Dawn lay there hearing half a conversation, the more the fear swelled up in her chest.

More and more, until she could barely breathe around it. It was this hot, pulsing, clawing creature inside of her, squeezing her lungs and pressing against her ribs and climbing up her throat. And just as Buffy was busy arguing with Mr Giles about seeing Angel’s death and how that was somehow connected to her history grades, the beast tore itself free from Dawn in a mess of snot and tears.

Buffy dropped the phone in shock, and Dawn could just make out the tinny sound of Mr Giles’s concerned voice asking if everything was alright. Grabbing up the now-dangling phone, the blonde rambled an apology before hanging up on the man and climbing up onto the top bunk.

“Dawn? Dawnie, are you alright?”

Dawn wasn’t alright. She didn’t know what was going on, not at all, but she knew something was wrong with her sister. Something that made her see horrible things and forced her apart from everyone else, and all Dawn wanted to do was hug her, but that would make everything worse and she didn’t want to make everything worse, she wanted to help-

Suddenly Buffy’s arms were around her. Buffy’s arms were around her, and her back was rigid and her face was pale and Dawn just knew her sister was seeing horrible death images, and she immediately tried to pull back.

“No! Buffy, no!”

But Buffy didn’t let her go. Her face was still pale, eyes wide and damp, but she held Dawn until the younger girl had calmed enough. It took a while, of course. Every instinct inside the younger girl screamed for her to fight, to push her sister away, protect her from whatever horrors their touching was causing. But finally she gave in, finally she allowed herself to cry it all out, and when that was done, Buffy studied her carefully.

“Thanks,” Dawn said awkwardly, cringing at how lame it sounded.

Buffy tried and failed at a smile. “It’s my job.”

“I know.” Dawn rolled her eyes. “You’re the Slayer.”

“No,” Buffy said, looking confused. “I’m your big sister.”

An awkward silence followed. 

“Was... Was it bad?” Dawn’s voice was timid and shaky in the stillness of the large room. “What you saw?”

“Dawn-”

“Because you could have stopped. I’d have been alright, you know. I’m not a baby anymore, Buffy, I’m not-”

“Dawn!” Buffy’s voice was loud enough and angry to make Dawn jump. “Just stop! Please! Just _stop_!”

Then, suddenly, their father’s voice echoed through the room, and it was Buffy’s turn to jump before she realised it wasn’t their dad coming to yell at her. Instead, his voice was coming from an intercom panel on the wall. While Dawn scrubbed at her face, Buffy clambered off the bed and dealt with the intercom. They didn’t look each other in the eyes at all.

* * *

Buffy went out that night, leaving Dawn alone with their dad. He seemed annoyed that Buffy had gone out, and apparently he’d wanted them both to meet new-step-mom Wendy. With his elder daughter ditching his company for somebody her own age, dinner had been cancelled, and he and Dawn ended up just watching television.

It wasn’t a bad night in exactly, it was just a bit... Lonely. The new place was still unfamiliar, and Dawn had been away from their dad for so long that everything was a little awkward. She and Buffy had spent a few weekends with him between last summer and this past Christmas, but their last visit had been six months ago, at his old rented apartment. Now there was a new apartment and new-step-mom Wendy and a big gap where Buffy should be because she’d ditched them. 

A year ago, Dawn would have given her right arm to be without Buffy for a few hours. Now she was wondering if she could even exist without her.

* * *

When Buffy got home, earlier than either Dawn or Hank had expected, she was quiet and withdrawn. She excused herself to go to bed barely ten minutes after getting in, and Dawn followed soon after. There were mumbled apologies between the sisters before they both fell silent to lay in the dark.

Dawn supposed Buffy must have fallen asleep at some point, and so must she, because when she woke during the night her older sister was talking in her sleep.

“I’m not dead,” Buffy was muttering, tossing and turning under the bed sheets. “I’m not dead...”

“B- Buffy?” Dawn called out tentatively into the darkness.

Silence. The rustling stopped.

“Dawnie?”

“Y-you were talking in your sleep.”

A pause. “Sorry.” Another pause. “Did I wake you?”

Yes. “No. No, it’s fine.” Dawn swallowed. “Are you ok?”

“Of course I am. Go to sleep Dawnie.”

Hours later, the sun was rising and Dawn was still staring at the ceiling.


	2. Chapter 2

Dawn figured the weird dreams Buffy had been having must have scrambled her brains. Because the next morning, when their dad suggested spending the day shopping, Buffy instead asked to get her hair cut.

“I want to get rid of last year’s hair,” Buffy told him, and it sounded like there was a deeper meaning behind it.

So Hank instead took them to a hair salon, and Dawn watched with wide eyes as Buffy had her hair cut off to above her shoulders. She couldn’t remember the last time her sister’s hair had been that short. She’d always had it long, had loved to tie it up with ribbons, or pin it up for school dances. Whatever was making her see weird things and have weird dreams was clearly starting to affect her. Dawn wondered if she should call Mr Giles about this latest development, but she didn’t know his number and she wasn’t even sure he’d understand the significance of Buffy cutting her hair off.

It all felt a little too much like when Mom and Dad had sat her down and told her Buffy would be staying at the hospital for a while. They hadn’t told her why, other than that her older sister was unwell and needed help, but there had been shared looks between the adults and whispered conversations that would stop when she entered the room. All Buffy would say was that it was connected to some Slayer stuff, and that she didn’t want to talk about it, but the way she was acting now reminded Dawn of those weeks just before the hospital, just before the burning down of the school gym. An odd look in her sister’s eye, the way she was erratic half the time and spacey the other half.

Dawn wanted to help, she really did, but she didn’t know how. She wasn’t allowed to do Slayer stuff, she wasn’t in the group the same way Willow or Xander were. She was too little to fight the monsters for Buffy. And right now she couldn’t even give her sister a hug to show she was supporting her.

She blinked.

Supporting her. That was it.

“Dad, I want my hair cut too.”

Hank blinked, looking to the hairdresser. The woman shrugged and gave a small smile.

“We’ve got room for a little one,” she assured him as Buffy got out of the chair. 

With a grin, Dawn bounded over and took a seat. She tried to catch Buffy’s eye in the mirror as the hairdresser put a gown over her and adjusted the chair to account for a ten year old child.

“And what are we doing with you today?” the hairdresser asked once everything was situated.

Finally succeeding in catching her older sister’s eye in the mirror, Dawn gave Buffy a tentative smile.

“I want my hair like Buffy’s.”

For a moment, Dawn thought she saw a flicker of understanding in her sister’s eyes. But it was gone before she could really be sure and the older girl turned her attention to a magazine.

 _So much for showing support_ , Dawn thought.

* * *

After that, Buffy seemed to spend most of her time in bed. Dawn wondered whether it was the haircut that had done it. A year and a half ago, Buffy would have yelled at her for getting her hair cut the same. But this Buffy- Slayer Buffy- hadn’t said a word.  
Instead, she lay in the dark of their room, the door closed and with the television chattering quietly in the background. Their dad had brought the television in a few days into Buffy’s hibernation, but it hadn’t seemed to get much of a reaction.

“How are you doing, kiddo?”

Dawn surveyed her dad over her breakfast bowl of cereal. “Ok I guess.” She paused, noting the extra bowl on the kitchen side. “Buffy’s still in bed.”

Hank sighed at that, staring at the third, apparently unnecessary, bowl. “I figured.” He stood for a moment, apparently making up his mind regarding what to say. “How’s Sunnydale? Are you and Buffy settling in?”

The ten year old shrugged. “I guess so. Buffy’s friends Xander and Willow are really cool. And so’s my friend Janice.”

She watched as her father nodded, though he still seemed distracted. “And your sister hangs out with these friends? Leaves the house, goes outside, gets some sunshine?”

Dawn didn’t quite know how to break it to her dad that most of Buffy’s excursions took place after dark on account of her fighting monsters. So she forced her biggest, brightest smile, and nodded enthusiastically.

“Oh, yeah! All the time! They go to the, the park, and they do lots of walking, and they do running together.”

Usually all of those things involved vampires, or demons, or other weird things, but it wasn’t _technically_ a lie...

Hank shook his head, bringing Dawn back to the present.

“How about a trip to the beach today?”

Dawn hadn’t been to the beach in a while. Of course there was a beach at Sunnydale, but with her mom working so much and Buffy busy being the Slayer there was rarely the opportunity to go.

“Yeah!”

Nodding to himself, her father moved to the door. “I’ll wake Buffy up, tell her to get ready.”

Suddenly, the beach didn’t seem so tempting. “Dad, no. Maybe we should, should give Buffy some space, you know?”

The look she got in return for her suggestion told Dawn that her father wasn’t going to go for it for a second.

“Your sister needs to get out the house, Dawnie. I’ll go get her up. Just finish your breakfast.”

* * *

It seemed like everyone in the city had headed to the beach that day and Dawn watched as Buffy picked her way across the sand with the cooler and the beach umbrella to find them a place to sit. Their dad was bringing up the rear, a hamper full of food and snacks making him slower than his daughters.

Once upon a time, Dawn thought as she watched her older sister set their belongings down and stare out at the calm sea, Buffy would have been excited to spend the whole day on the beach topping up her tan. But then had come fires, and Las Vegas, and hospitals. Then had come divorce, and new schools, and hunting monsters under the cover of darkness.

Buffy didn’t seem like Buffy anymore, at least not to Dawn.

“Do you remember how much you hated water when you were little?”

Dawn blinked, and saw that their father had caught up with them. His words were directed at his elder daughter, though, and Buffy blinked at him in confusion.

“No,” she confessed. “No, I don’t remember.”

Something told the ten year old that this was part of a bigger conversation for Buffy, perhaps even bigger than their dad knew.

“You did hate it,” Hank continued, eyes glazing over at the distant memory. “You particularly hated to be submerged.”

And as he continued talking, he apparently failed to notice the way Buffy stiffened at the word ‘submerged’, at how she paled just a little, at how she lowered her gaze to survey a patch of sand instead.

Dawn listened with interest as Buffy claimed to have no memory of what their dad was talking about. If she had no memory, why was she acting so weird? Why did it feel like she was scared of the water, when she’d never shown any fear of it in Dawn’s lifetime?

She was still trying to figure out what was going on when Buffy announced she was going to try and go for a swim. Their dad looked pleased by this development, and busied himself with setting out their supplies as Buffy shed her clothes and took off for the ocean.

“Are you going in too?” he asked Dawn, watching her stare after her sister.

She gave him a tight smile. “Maybe. In a bit.” She paused. “Dad, don’t you think it’s weird how Buffy’s suddenly scared of the water? I don’t remember her ever being scared of the water.”

Hank swallowed, taking a moment before speaking. “I don’t know,” he admitted quietly. “I’ve been away from both of you for so long, and you’ve both changed so much, I... I don’t know anymore.”

* * *

Dawn didn’t know when it had happened. One moment she and her dad had been sat side by side on beach towels staring out at the sea, and the next he was on his feet and running for the water, screaming Buffy’s name.

And it was then that Dawn noticed- Buffy had vanished.

She was on her feet before she realised, and she watched in horror as her father dived into the ocean only to surface a few moments later with Buffy in his arms. Several passers-by rushed to help, but he batted them away and lifted his daughter into his arms as he struggled onto the sand.

A few feet clear of the shoreline, Hank deposited Buffy onto the beach, leaning over her to check her breathing. At some point, Dawn realised, she’d moved closer, abandoning their belongings in favour of her sister and her father. People were yelling, about ambulances and hospitals, but all Dawn could focus on was Buffy’s still body.

Finally at her father’s side, the ten year old blinked at her older sister, so pale and silent, before staring at her dad. 

“Daddy?”

* * *

Dawn hadn’t known what to do, when the ambulance arrived. So she’d packed up their belongings and dragged them through the sand towards where they’d parked the car. It seemed dumb in hindsight, with paramedics carting her sister off on a stretcher having drowned and been revived on the very same beach. A few beach towels could be replaced. Buffy couldn’t.

But Dawn had been determined to do something useful, and she knew that her dad had enough to deal with without remembering to grab everything. He didn’t seem to notice, though, even as he loaded everything into the car. The drive to the hospital was silent, and by the time they were allowed in to see Buffy, she’d had her stomach pumped of the water that had stolen her life.

“You can go in and see her,” the doctor told them gently, “but she might not wake up for a while.”

Dawn took up vigil beside her sister’s bedside then. Hank left to phone Joyce and update her on what happened. There was a part of Dawn that wondered if she should try calling Mr Giles, before she recalled again that she didn’t know his number. Besides, he would probably yell at her.

But when Buffy woke up ten minutes later, all thoughts of Mr Giles yelling went out of Dawn’s head. She watched as their father hugged Buffy tight, and after a few moments realised that Buffy hadn’t stiffened at the slightest touch. Dawn watched as, over their father’s shoulder, her older sister gave her a tentative smile.

“Are you ok?” Dawn asked quietly.

Their dad pulled away then, as Buffy smiled.

“I’m ok,” she said softly. “I’m sorry if I scared you.”

Hank was frowning then, looking a little upset. “I should have listened to you,” he said, voice a little distant. “You said you didn’t want to go to the beach, that you didn’t feel up to it... I should have listened.” 

“Dad,” Buffy began slowly, “you weren’t to know. And I’m fine. Might take me a few days until I’m totally back to normal, but I’m alright.” She fixed him with a pointed look. “Now, can you please find out how long I have to stay here? This hospital gown _really_ doesn’t suit me.”

* * *

Dawn had hoped that everything would go back to normal after that, and to an extent it did. Buffy apparently no longer saw death whenever she touched someone, and she didn’t spend all her time holed up in her room.

But she still wasn’t her usual self, and the ten year old couldn’t figure out why. Something had happened, the night of the dance, she was sure of it but there was nobody to ask. She knew she couldn’t ask Buffy, and she couldn’t phone Willow or Xander and ask them without Buffy knowing about it.

The teenager had continued to have nightmares throughout the rest of their stay in Los Angeles. Dawn had thought the weird sleep-talking had been about Buffy seeing people’s deaths, yet the ten year old had still been woken every night by her sister’s tossing and turning on the bunk below.

And if the night terrors weren’t bad enough, she’d sleep in late, always missing their father leaving for work and leaving Dawn to entertain herself for a considerable portion of the morning, too. Then again, maybe that was better than Buffy being rude to her. She didn’t understand why, but Buffy was clearly in a bad mood and with nobody else around it was Dawn she took it out on. In a way, it was like having the old Buffy back, but Dawn wasn’t sure she liked it.

Their Dad had tried to make up the lack of quality time they’d spent with him by taking them both shopping a few days before they left. Buffy inevitably bought several new pairs of shoes, as well as a few new outfits, but even as she picked items out she was distant and a little cold. The strained smile on their dad’s face told Dawn that he’d noticed too. But never once did he say anything about it. She wondered if he’d mention it to their mom when he dropped them home.

By the time they were heading back to their mother and Sunnydale at the end of the summer, Dawn was well and truly fed up with her sister’s weird behaviour. She’d made her decision, and she wasn’t going to back down. She needed to talk to an adult.

She needed to talk to Mr Giles.

* * *

“Dawn!”

As the ten year old stared up at the librarian, fixing him with her best glare, it occurred to her that she was probably the last person he expected to see on his doorstep. But, ever the gentleman, Mr Giles still stepped aside to let her into the apartment.

“What, ah, what can I do for you?” he asked as he shut the door behind her.

“It’s about Buffy,” Dawn told him, folding her arms across her chest. “She was acting weird all summer, and I wanna know why.”

Mr Giles stuttered a little at that, and the girl thought it must be bad if he couldn’t string a sentence together.

“I... Dawn, I assure you that everything has been dealt with. Buffy is fine, perhaps a little shaken, but there’s nothing for you to worry about.”

Dawn arched an eyebrow at the man. “That’s not true! I was there when Buffy called you, remember? I know she told you about seeing people die when she touched them! And she’s been having nightmares, too. Dad got a new place and we had to share a room, and Buffy woke me up every night because she was talking in her sleep. She needs help, Mr Giles, and I couldn’t tell Dad, and I can’t tell Mom, and you’re her Watcher so you have to do something!”

Eyes wide and desperate, she blinked up at Mr Giles and was surprised to see his eyes slightly damp. Was... was he going to cry? She wasn’t sure what she would do if Mr Giles cried.

“I... Buffy didn’t tell me it was that bad,” he admitted quietly, sinking into his desk chair. He seemed to take a few moments to process everything, before, finally he met the ten year old’s gaze. “Dawn, before you went away for the summer, Buffy had to go and fight a very nasty vampire who called himself the Master. She slayed him, and I disposed of his remains myself. He can’t ever hurt your sister again, I give you my word on that. But...” 

He broke off suddenly, and for a moment Dawn thought he really was going to cry at that point.

“What your sister went through, it scared her. I perhaps should have stayed in touch more while the pair of you were away, but I thought it would be rather difficult to explain to your father should he answer the phone instead of Buffy. And I, naively perhaps, thought that some time away from Sunnydale would do her some good.” He sighed. “I need you to tell me everything, Dawn. So I can help Buffy.”

* * *

Maybe Mr Giles wasn’t so scary after all. Dawn still didn’t quite get the impression that he liked her exactly, but he at least seemed willing to help her. Still, the look on his face worried her, particularly when she got to talking about how Buffy spent a lot of time alone in her room.

“I thought I’d upset her,” Dawn admitted quietly, hands clutching at the can of soda the man had given her.

He had ushered her over to his sofa before they began, and he now sat in a chair watching her carefully.

“I mean, I thought if I got my hair cut the same, it would show Buffy that I understood. I couldn’t give her a hug or anything without making things worse, and I still don’t really get why Buffy suddenly wanted a haircut so bad, but I figured it was important. I figured she wanted to change how she looked, that something had changed, and I wanted her to know that I got it.” As she spoke, Dawn lifted her hand to absentmindedly twist a strand of her own shorter hair around her finger. “I know it’s stupid, but I thought it would help.”

Mr Giles let out a sigh at that. “Dawn, I’m sure you did help,” he told her gently, “and I highly doubt Buffy shutting herself away had anything to do with you getting your hair cut.”

Dawn blinked as Mr Giles gave her a soft smile at that, and she found herself tentatively smiling back.

“Dad got annoyed, though,” Dawn recalled, small smile fading quickly as she continued to tell Mr Giles about their summer. “He didn’t like that Buffy kept shutting herself away. He didn’t ask her what was wrong, but he kept asking me about life here in Sunnydale and whether Buffy and her friends actually did stuff outside the house.”

“He was worried about her,” the librarian said gently. “And he was probably rather quite concerned that he had no idea how to fix it.”

“He insisted we went to the beach,” Dawn said with a frown. “Buffy didn’t want to go, and they argued about it, but Dad made her come with us in the end. And I could tell Buffy didn’t want to be there; she was all weird and tense, and she always used to love going to the beach but this time was different. She kept staring at the water, and then Dad said that when she was little she used to be scared of water. It must have been before I was born, though, because I’ve never seen Buffy be scared of the sea until now.”

Mr Giles swallowed at that, and looked away, and Dawn narrowed her eyes.

“Did something happen with that vampire?” she asked quietly. “Did... Did he do something to Buffy? Is that why she’s acting funny?”

“Dawn, _please_ ,” Mr Giles said, voice tense and a little annoyed, “finish the story.” 

Well, so much for Mr Giles maybe not being that bad. But Dawn did as he said anyway.

“Buffy decided to go swimming, and me and Dad were sat on the beach. I don’t know what happened, but one minute Buffy was swimming, and the next Dad was on his feet and I couldn’t see Buffy anywhere.”

Mr Giles’s face had gone blank, and perhaps that was even more frightening than him being angry. The ten year old pressed on with her story.

“The next thing I knew, Dad was in the water, and he had Buffy but she didn’t look like she was breathing, and all these people were yelling about ambulances and stuff, and, and-” She promptly burst into tears.

To her surprise, only a moment later she felt a hand on her back, and she blinked through the tears to see that Mr Giles was now sat on the arm of the sofa, his hand moving in a soothing circular motion she could feel through her t-shirt. Instinctively, Dawn leaned in to him, and there was a moment when she thought he’d pull away. But while he remained a little tense, he also seemed alright with her staying there.

It took a minute or two for Dawn to calm enough to pull away from the awkward librarian.

“They took her to the hospital,” she told him, sniffing. “She’d swallowed loads of water, and Dad said they had to pump her stomach.” Dawn gave Mr Giles an odd look. “But when Buffy woke up we could touch her again. She didn’t keep seeing us as dead people, and I thought that would mean she’d be ok. But she’s still acting weird; even now we’re back home. We only got home a few hours ago, and already Mom’s threatened to ground her for arguing with her. It’s like she’s in a really bad mood all the time, when she’s not too busy sulking and ignoring me.”

A thought seemed to cross Mr Giles’s mind then. “Dawn,” he said slowly, “where does your mother think you are?”

At that, Dawn’s cheeks flushed red. “I told her I’d been invited to play with a girl a few houses down.” 

Mr Giles fixed her with a stern look then, that had Dawn shrinking away.

“I had to tell you about Buffy, though!” she argued against his unspoken disapproval. “It’s really important and you’re the only one I can tell!”

With a sigh, the man held his hand up and nodded. “Alright, alright. You’re right, and I’m glad you came to tell me. But you shouldn’t lie to your mother about where you are, Dawn.”

“Why?” Dawn asked. “Buffy does it all the time.”

Clearly without an answer, Mr Giles flailed for a few moments before hurriedly getting to his feet. “I’ll drive you home.”

* * *

Buffy went out that night, talking about catching up with Willow and Xander, and not too soon after she’d gone Joyce broached the one subject Dawn didn’t want to discuss.

“How was L.A? Your father told me he didn’t get to spend as much time with the pair of you as he’d have liked, but it sounded like fun.”

Dawn knew her mom well enough to tell that, even though the words sounded casual and curious, there was an underlying worry there. She shrugged.

“Dad took us shopping, and we got our hair cut.”

“It was very lovely of your father to buy you so much. I hope you said thank you.”

Dawn nodded. “Yeah,” she said. “Buffy got loads of new shoes too.”

“I saw,” Joyce said with a smile. “And you got some very nice new clothes.”

There was an awkward silence then.

“Dawn, did you and Buffy have an argument?”

Frowning, Dawn stared up at her mom.

“No. Why?”

Joyce shook her head. “Your father was concerned, that’s all. He was worried about the fact you two had to share a room, and he said that Buffy seemed distant all summer. I couldn’t help but wonder if you two had fallen out over something while sharing a bedroom.” 

“No,” Dawn shrugged. “It was just a bit weird being at Dad’s new place. And he told us about Wendy too, even though we didn’t meet her.”

As Joyce considered this for a moment, Dawn squirmed a little. But then she seemed to accept Dawn’s excuse and nodded to herself. Slumping in her seat, Dawn hoped Mr Giles figured out what was wrong with Buffy soon.

* * *

On the drive to school that Monday, Joyce broke the news to both her girls that Mr Giles had invited Dawn to join the after school study group.

“It was very generous of him,” Joyce told them as she drove towards the high school. “And it would make things easier for me at the gallery, knowing I can pick both of you up from the same place. But Buffy, it will mean you picking Dawn up and taking her back to the school with you.”

Buffy, sat in the front passenger seat, simply blinked at her mother before shrugging. “Fine.”

Even in the back of the car, Dawn could see their mother frown. She didn’t know why Mr Giles had suddenly decided she could join them in the library, especially seeing as the homework club was Slayer Central according to Xander. Maybe Mr Giles had realised she could now be a useful part of the group. She was, after all, in fifth grade now and she was eleven in just over a month. 

“Buffy,” Joyce was saying, her tone clearly disapproving. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Buffy said dismissively, eyes still trained on the street outside the window.

When they pulled up at the high school to drop Buffy off, she was out the car without even saying goodbye.

* * *

Buffy did pick Dawn up from school, and they did go back to the high school. She walked fast though, leaving Dawn hurrying after her, and the ten year old could tell that being back at school hadn’t done anything to improve her sister’s mood. 

When they entered the library, Buffy headed straight for the table, leaving Dawn to trail behind. She dropped into a seat and grabbed a book to flick through without even a word.

“Dawn,” Mr Giles greeted, after a brief frown at Buffy’s actions. “Lovely to see you.”

Xander gave her a wave from the table, but Willow was watching Buffy suspiciously. As Dawn made her way over to the seat beside Buffy, her older sister didn’t even look at her. Not even when she sat down.

“So, Dawnster, how was your summer?” Xander asked, trying to break the ice. “We haven’t managed to get much out of your sister here.”

Buffy glared at her friend then, and his smile noticeably dimmed but he recovered it quickly. Dawn glanced to her sister and saw the older girl fixing her with a warning look. Giving a tight smile to Xander and Willow, the brunette shrugged.

“Not much to tell.”

She could feel Mr Giles’s eyes on her, and she wondered whether it was because she’d lied. But as Willow and Xander chatted happily about what had happened in Sunnydale without the Summers girls around, Dawn found herself drawn into the conversation even as Buffy wasn’t.

Yeah, being back at school clearly hadn’t helped Buffy at all.

* * *

“How are your new classes?” Joyce asked the next day on the drive to school.

“Good.” Buffy stared out the window, a pair of sunglasses shielding her eyes.

“Good,” Joyce nodded, before glancing at her eldest daughter. “Is there the slightest chance that if I asked you what was wrong you would tell me?”

Dawn watched as Buffy fixed their mother with a look. Joyce sighed.

“Course not. That would take all the fun out of guessing.” Letting out a breath, she turned her attention to her youngest. “How was the study club with Mr Giles?”

“It was good,” Dawn shrugged, glancing at her sister as she spoke. “Willow and Xander were there too.”

The smile Joyce gave her in the rear view mirror didn’t quite reach her eyes, and Dawn knew that Buffy’s behaviour was starting to concern their mother. 

“Don’t forget you’re picking Dawn up and taking her to the library with you again today,” Joyce said as she turned her attention back to her older daughter. “And I’m working late at the gallery, so you’ll have to walk home I’m afraid. But there’s pizza in the freezer for the pair of you.”

Buffy gave no indication she’d heard her mother, and Joyce let out another sigh as she pulled up to the high school.

“Have a good day, honey,” she said, watching Buffy get out the car.

There was no reply.

* * *

Dawn had been more than a little worried that Buffy would forget to pick her up, so she was somewhat relieved when she came out of school to find her older sister glaring at her.

“You’re late,” Buffy stated, arms folded across her chest and sunglasses perched on top of her head.

“Sorry,” Dawn responded snidely. “Not my fault class ran over.”

Buffy didn’t answer that, but instead turned on her heels and set off towards the high school at a brisk pace. Dawn hurried to keep up, and just as the previous day they completed the walk in silence.

But when they reached the library, Dawn was surprised to find Mr Giles poring over a book.

“Buffy, Dawn,” he greeted, glancing up as they entered. “I think I’ve got something.”

He glanced significantly at Dawn then, causing the young girl to frown. Buffy stared at her younger sister for a moment, before looking back to the librarian.

“What, Giles?” she asked, tone a little sharp. “You might as well just tell us. You’re the one who invited Dawn here anyway.”

Looking a little bewildered by Buffy’s attitude, Mr Giles stuttered a little. “Yes, well. I- It’s Latin, so bear with me.” He turned his attention back to the book, still a little wide-eyed. “Uh, to revive the vampire they need his bones, uh... w-which they have, and, um, the blood... this is very unclear, of the closest person... Uh, someone connected to the vampire.”

Willow and Xander were frowning at Mr Giles, and Dawn didn’t quite understand what was going on, but Buffy looked remarkably unconcerned by the whole thing. 

“That’d be me,” she deadpanned, arms folded across her chest.

“Perhaps.” Mr Giles then noticed Dawn still hovering nervously in the middle of the library. “Dawn, perhaps you should work on your homework in the office, while we discuss this.”

Dawn’s brow furrowed. “But I want to help!”

Mr Giles gave her a look, and it wasn’t an angry one like when he’d found out she’d snuck out of the house to talk to him about Buffy. It was more... Concerned. “Dawn-”

Buffy let out a groan. “Just ignore her, Giles. She won’t listen, anyway. She never does.” She cast her younger sister an irritated look. “Anyway. We were close, me and the Master. We killed each other. It really promotes togetherness.”

Dawn went wide-eyed at that, and she didn’t even realise she’d made a noise until she felt Willow’s arms around her. “Y- You died?! When did you _die_?”

There was a tightness in her chest, just like there had been when she’d heard Buffy telling Mr Giles about how when she touched people she saw their deaths. White hot tears built behind her eyes as Willow pulled her closer, rubbed her back.

“Buffy,” she heard Mr Giles say, voice low and urgent. “Do you really think that was the best way to break it to her?”

Through the tears now threatening to blur her vision, Dawn saw her sister shrug. Her shoulders were tense, jaw clenched, eyes hard.

“Why not? I’m the Slayer. It’s my job to die. She has to learn that.”

“Geez, Buffy,” Xander chipped in, looking annoyed. “She’s a _kid_. She’s your _sister_. Maybe you shouldn’t be such a bitch.”

“Yes, thank you, Xander,” Mr Giles said, irritated. Then he lowered his voice, speaking in an urgent tone Dawn could just about hear over the calming noises Willow was making in her ear. “Buffy, your sister is worried about you. She told me about how withdrawn you were when you were in Los Angeles with your father, and while I agree that she has to understand what you being the Slayer means, I rather think we should be sitting down and discussing it with her, rather than-”

“Rather than what?” Buffy interrupted, and Dawn thought that her sister’s eyes looked a little damp but considering she was still crying herself she couldn’t tell. “Rather than being the bitch Xander’s saying I am? What do you want, Giles? For us all to sit down and have tea while I explain to Dawn how the Master drowned me? While I explain how I still see his face when I close my eyes? While I explain why the very thought of being near water makes me want to throw up so bad I can barely even take a shower?”

Mr Giles shifted uncomfortably, and there was a horrible silence then. Sniffing, Dawn pulled away a little from Willow’s now-limp embrace.

“Buffy?” Dawn asked, voice soft and shaky.

Buffy turned to look at her, and her eyes were damp and oddly vulnerable, and Dawn found that strangely reassuring. But whatever her sister was about to say was rudely interrupted as a rock sailed through the window, sending glass scattering to the floor as the rock was caught neatly by Buffy. She pulled a bracelet and a slip of paper off the rock.

“This is Cordelia’s,” Buffy said, noting the bracelet. She uncurled the note. “‘Come to the Bronze before it opens, or we make her a meal’.”

Xander blinked. “They’re gonna cook her dinner?”

Dawn frowned, and as everyone gave the young man an incredulous look, he seemed to catch his slip-up.

“I’ll pretend I didn’t say that.”

Willow stepped a little closer to Buffy. “What do we do?”

Shoulders slumped, Buffy pocketed the note. “I go to the Bronze and save the day.”

Dawn watched as her sister turned to leave. Xander was on his feet, looking frustrated, and Mr Giles looked annoyed too. It didn’t make sense; Dawn thought they were a team, that they fought the monsters together.

“I don’t like this,” Xander said, sounding angry.

Mr Giles seemed to agree. “Nor I.”

Buffy turned back to look at them, and the vulnerability that had been in her eyes only a minute before was now gone. “Yeah? Well, you guys aren’t going.”

Willow frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I can’t do it anymore.” Buffy’s words seemed to suck all the oxygen from the room, and Dawn shifted nervously at the angry and confused looks on everyone’s faces. “I can’t look after the three of you guys while I’m fighting.” She glanced at Dawn. “Besides, you guys are on babysitting duty.”

“Well, what about the rest of the note?” Willow asked angrily.

Buffy arched an eyebrow. “What rest of the note?”

“The part that says, ‘P.S. This is a trap’?”

“You’ll be playing straight into their hands,” Mr Giles added, taking off his glasses to polish them.

Buffy gave him a look. “I can handle this.”

“Stop saying that!” Willow snapped, looking close to tears. “God, what is _wrong_ with you? We’re trying to help!”

“Cordelia may be dead,” Xander added, jaw clenched.

Blank-faced, Buffy surveyed her friends for a moment. “This is my fight.” 

Turning on her heels, she left the library. Dawn could sense the tension, but she was still struggling to wrap her head around everything.

“So,” she said after a moment, voice shaky, “when were you going to tell me my sister died?”

Mr Giles let out a breath, before looking at her apologetically. “We thought it was best- Buffy thought it was best- if you didn’t know.”

“She was only dead for a few minutes,” Willow added, and her attempt at a cheery tone fell flat. “Xander gave her CPR and she was fine.” Her brow furrowed. “Well, she _seemed_ fine.”

Xander swallowed. “Has she been like this all summer?” he asked, oddly blank-faced.  


Dawn glanced to Mr Giles then, unsure what she should say. His face remained passive, and she took that as a sign to say what she liked. “She was acting weird. Really distant. And she kept seeing people’s deaths when she touched them. Then Dad made us go to the beach, and she was scared of the sea, but she went in anyway and she...” Dawn swallowed. “She drowned. We had to take her to hospital. And she stopped seeing people dying, but she was still super weird. She wouldn’t talk to me, and when she did she was mean. She was like how she used to be, when she started at Hemery and was suddenly too cool to play with me.”

Willow and Xander shared a concerned look at that. 

“Wait, Buffy used to be like this all the time?” Willow asked, wide-eyed.

Dawn shrugged. “Most of the time. I think it was to impress people, though. Buffy said part of being a cheerleader was being popular, and you didn’t get popular by being too nice.”

Mr Giles pointedly cleared his throat at that point, pulling the kids from their discussion. But Xander and Willow still looked concerned by the idea Buffy used to act that way on a regular basis, and Dawn could only hope her older sister wouldn't kill her for letting it slip.

* * *

“I still think we should have gone with her,” Willow said, slumped in a chair.

While Mr Giles got back to his research, Willow, Xander, and Dawn had been left with very little to do. While the teens bickered, Dawn had busied herself by doodling on a scrap of paper she’d found in her school bag. She’d hoped it would keep her mind off Buffy, but with the way Willow and Xander were still arguing, it wasn’t providing much of a distraction.

Xander snorted. “Buffy’s about to lose it. I think we should be trying to reach minimum safe distance.”

“Xander,” Willow argued, glaring at her friend, “you know it’s a trap!”

Mr Giles made an excited noise then, pulling the attention towards him. “Ah! Uh, uh, the Latin is, is translated from the Sumerian, a-and rather badly. Closes to the Master actually translates as ‘nearest’. Physically. The, the, the person or persons who were with him... When he...” Mr Giles paled and looked up. When he spoke again, his words were quiet and unsettling. “It is a trap.”

Dawn looked up from her doodling then, and let out a squeak of surprise at the sight of several vampires on the library mezzanine.

Giles’s voice was still quiet, his words tense. “It just isn’t for her.”

* * *

Dawn didn’t know what had happened, but what she did know was she _hurt_. She could hear hurried footsteps, and she braced herself for fangs to sink into her neck.

“D- Dawnie?”

Groaning, Dawn realised it was Buffy’s voice, that Buffy had come back, that-

There was another noise, as someone else got to their feet.

“Xander! What happened?”

“Vampires,” Xander ground out from somewhere nearby. He sounded disorientated. “The ones you could handle yourself.”

“Where’s Dawn?”

As Dawn finally managed to push herself into a sitting position, she saw that the library was a mess and Xander was glaring at her older sister. There was blood on his face, and his shirt. Tentatively touching her forehead just above her right eye, Dawn winced. She had a nasty lump, which would probably explain the headache she had.

Catching sight of her sister, Buffy hurried over and pulled Dawn to her feet. 

“Are you ok?” she asked, fingers gently skirting around the lump on her sister’s forehead. “Anything hurt? Broken?”

“I... I don’t think so,” Dawn stuttered, still struggling to make sense of what had happened.

“Where are the others?” Buffy asked then, taking in the wreckage of the library before looking to Xander again.

“I don’t know,” Xander said angrily. He glared at Buffy. “I get that you didn’t have a great summer, Buffy, and I get that the Master really freaked you out. But right now, I really don’t care. If you’d worked with us for five seconds, if you’d bothered to talk to us at all, you could have stopped this.”

“Xander!” Dawn said, wide-eyed.

“No,” he snapped, turning his attention to her. His eyes softened a little as he took in her injuries, and her wide eyes, but he still shook his head. “Dawn, your sister’s job is to protect people. She didn’t protect us, she didn’t protect _you_. She has stuff to deal with, fine, but we all have problems. We just don’t let _our_ problems get our friends hurt.” 

The last was said to Buffy pointedly, and the teenager swallowed and looked away.

“We, we just have to think,” Buffy said, moving away from both Xander and Dawn. “Where would they have taken them?”

Xander was still glaring at Buffy, however, and Dawn was watching carefully.

“If they hurt Willow,” he said, voice low and serious, “I’ll kill you.”

Buffy fixed Xander with a serious look then. “Why did they take them and not you or Dawn?”

This apparently wasn’t what Xander had been expecting, and he thought for a moment. “Giles said the ritual was, um... They needed people who were close to the Master. Physically close. When he, uh...”

“The ones who were with the Master when he died.” Buffy nodded slowly.

Xander nodded. “Giles, Willow, Cordelia...”

Buffy’s eyes widened. “Ms Calendar.”

“Odds are they’ve got a complete set by now.” 

Buffy’s brow furrowed at that. “We need to find out where.” 

“How?” Xander asked.

But instead of answering him, Buffy turned to Dawn. “Get your stuff, and don’t say a word about this to Mom, ok?”

* * *

Buffy made Dawn wait outside while she interrogated the vampire she’d apparently locked inside. Angel was there too, and he kept giving her a strange look. Dawn wondered if it was because they’d never properly met, or if it was for another reason. 

“Eyes off her neck,” Xander growled out as Angel glanced at Dawn again.

“I wasn’t...” Angel protested, before trailing off. “I just, I’ve never actually _met_ Dawn before.”

Xander arched an eyebrow. “And that’s a bad thing? You’re a vampire. Buffy probably just wants to keep you from turning her little sister into a grab-and-go snack pack.”

Angel glared at the boy then, before turning his attention to Dawn. He looked uneasy. “You know I’d never hurt you, right?”

Dawn considered him for a moment. She’d heard bits and pieces, usually when she was eavesdropping on Willow’s and Buffy’s conversations. Apparently he was a good vampire, and he helped Buffy fight monsters because he had a soul.

“Buffy said you’re one of the good guys,” she admitted after a moment. “She seems to trust you.”

Xander snorted, but Dawn and Angel ignored him.

“But do _you_ trust me?” Angel asked.

Dawn pursed her lips. “Maybe,” she said, folding her arms across her chest and standing as tall as she could. “But I don’t know you well enough to be sure. Maybe if I hung out with you and Buffy-”

“Yeah, we’re not taking you on patrol,” Angel interrupted, and there was a small amused smile on his lips. 

Buffy came out of the Bronze then, face neutral but determined.

“They’re at an old warehouse,” she said. “I got the directions.”

* * *

This time, Dawn wasn’t made to stay outside, but Buffy did make her promise to stay close to Xander. She was even given her own cross to hold.

“Why can’t I have a stake?” she asked, clutching the cross to her chest.

“Because you’re supposed to stay alive and out of the way,” Buffy told her, eyeing the lump on her forehead. “Besides, Mom’s already going to yell at me when she sees your head.”

Xander stayed by her side though, and at least he got a stake even if Dawn didn’t. But then Dawn caught sight of Willow, and Cordelia, and Mr Giles, and Ms Calendar and suddenly her not having a stake didn’t seem to matter. They were hanging upside down, unconscious, and a dark-skinned vampire was talking about how their blood would resurrect the vampire who had killed Buffy.

“Buffy, we gotta do something now!” Xander told her, voice low and urgent.

“You guys get the others out of here,” she told Angel and Xander. “And keep Dawn out of trouble!”

Angel glanced across at the half a dozen or so vampires gathered around a skeleton. “We need you to distract the vampires.”

“Right,” Buffy said with a nod.

“What are you gonna do?” Xander asked, catching Dawn’s worried expression as she surveyed her older sister.

Jaw clenched and back straight, Buffy shot them a look. “I’m gonna kill them all. That oughta distract them.”

* * *

As Buffy leapt into the fray of vampires, Dawn found herself ushered up the ladder towards where Willow, Mr Giles, Cordelia, and Ms Calendar were. Xander went first, to make sure the coast was clear, while Angel brought up the rear. Dawn was tucked between them, in an effort to shield her from the fighting. There appeared to be no vampires waiting for them, though, and as Xander moved to the chain that would pull the others back to the platform, Angel pulled Dawn to one side.

“Stay here out of the way, alright? And if any vampire comes near you shove that cross at them and scream, alright?”

Dawn nodded, wide-eyed at the urgency in the vampire’s voice. Seemingly satisfied, Angel quickly moved to help Xander.

The sounds of Buffy’s fight drifted up and Dawn clenched the cross tighter in her hands. They must be late home by now, and she knew their mom was going to be so mad about it. She wondered what Buffy might use as an excuse, and whether Mr Giles might help her come up with a convincing lie to explain the bump on her head.

As Xander and Angel finally got everyone onto the platform safely, and Ms Calendar came round, Dawn felt herself start to relax a little. The fight still sounded like it was going on below them, and Angel had leapt into the fray as well, but as Mr Giles came to and tried to sit up Dawn at least felt a little reassured there were some adults to deal with the situation.

“Where’s Buffy?” Mr Giles asked as Ms Calendar helped him up. 

“Uh, she’s working out her issues,” Xander said, holding an unconscious Willow. 

Cordelia groaned as she came to, and as Ms Calendar moved to check on her Mr Giles caught sight of Dawn. Pushing himself to his feet, he made his way over to her and examined the lump on her forehead.

“Are you alright?” he asked gently, crouching down a little to meet her eyes.

“I think so,” Dawn said, voice a little shaky. “Is Buffy?”

They both looked towards the sound of the fighting, just as the dark-skinned vampire reappeared.

“Enough!” he yelled, locking eyes with Buffy. “Your day is done, girl. I’ll grind you into a sticky paste, and hear you beg before I smash in your face.”

“So,” Buffy’s response came, “are you gonna kill me or are we just making small talk?”

Barely thirty seconds later, with the final vampires nothing more than dust beneath Buffy’s shoes, a heavy silence settled over everybody.

“It’s over,” Willow said, and Dawn hadn’t even realised she’d come round.

“No, it’s not,” Xander countered.

Mr Giles instinctively moved towards the edge of the platform, and Dawn followed him closely. Cordelia and Ms Calendar too had moved forward, and Dawn saw her sister holding a sledgehammer in her hands. 

She looked the way she’d looked almost all summer; a little distant, a little blank-faced. Buffy surveyed the skeleton on the table for a moment, before she swung the hammer and brought it down with a resounding crack on the skull. It shattered into pieces, tiny white slivers scattering across the room with the force of the blow. 

But then there was another swing of the hammer, and another, and another. White shards of bone jumped across the slab and skittered across the floor. Dawn swallowed, and pushed herself into Mr Giles’s side, turning her head away from her sister as she did so. She felt an arm come up around her shoulders, and glanced up. Mr Giles’s gaze was still on Buffy, a concerned look on his face, but as he felt Dawn watching him he gave her a small, reassuring smile and rubbed her back.

Angel had approached Buffy then, and he watched as finally there was nothing left on the table for her to smash. As she burst into tears, the sledgehammer slipped from her grasp. Angel murmured something none of them could make out, and immediately Buffy turned to bury her head in his shoulder as she sobbed.

Xander and Willow shared a look then, and even Cordelia was strangely quiet. When the time came for them to finally leave, nobody seemed to have the energy to speak.

* * *

Mr Giles drove them home, and gave half-hearted apologies to a frantic Joyce as he insisted the girls had been helping him with reorganising the library. He’d also apologised for the lump on Dawn’s head, telling their mother that a particularly heavy volume had slipped off the shelf and caused Dawn to fall off a chair, hitting her head.

Buffy didn’t say much, and she was still quiet and withdrawn the next day when Joyce took them to school. But when she picked Dawn up at the end of the day to head back to the library, something had changed.

“You seem happy,” Dawn told her sister as they made their way towards Sunnydale High.

The pace Buffy had set was slower and more casual than the previous two days, meaning Dawn didn’t have to struggle to keep up. The blonde gave her younger sister a tentative smile.

“I am,” Buffy said, before considering her response. “Maybe I’m not completely ok yet, but I’m feeling better.”

“Good,” Dawn said. “I don’t like it when you’re in a bad mood. You can be a bit mean.”

Buffy slipped her arm around her younger sister’s shoulders then, pulling her close. “I know. I’m sorry. And I’m sorry you got hurt.”

Dawn glanced up at her sister. “Is everything ok with Willow and Xander? Xander was pretty mad last night.”

“Everything’s _fine_ ,” Buffy insisted, glancing over at her. “Giles told me you went to him for help, when we got back from L.A. He said you were worried about me.”

Shrugging, Dawn examined her shoes. She hadn’t thought Mr Giles would tell Buffy about that.

“I’m sorry I worried you, Dawnie. But I’m glad you went to Giles. He and I had a talk this morning, and he told me about you running off to see him even though he’s fairly certain you’re scared of him. And... And I wanted to thank you for that.”

“Huh?” Dawn ground to a halt, blinking at Buffy outside the entrance to the high school.

“I wanted to thank you,” Buffy repeated, “for going to Giles. He said if you hadn’t told him all about L.A, he wouldn’t have been so confident in there being something wrong with me. Willow and Xander thought I was _possessed_. And even though Giles figured I probably had _some_ trauma from the whole Master thing, it was you telling him about the beach in L.A that confirmed it for him.” She paused. “Then we had a really awkward conversation where he told me he’s always there for me if I want to talk, and things got super weird, but I had to go to class anyway.” She flashed Dawn a smile. “But awkward talks with Giles aside, I’m glad you spoke with him.”

Dawn considered this for a moment. “Does this mean I get to help you guys out more often now?”

Buffy snorted. “No chance. Mom’s annoyed enough thinking you nearly got knocked out by one of Giles’s books.” She took Dawn’s hand, pulling her towards the building. “Come on, before the guys send out a search party for us.”

She pulled open the door, ushering Dawn inside before taking a look around. Then, she flashed a grin at her younger sister.

“What?” Dawn asked, brow furrowed.

“Race you to the library?”

Dawn grinned back. “Deal. But I’m gonna win!”

Arching an eyebrow, Buffy surveyed her. “I’m the Slayer. _Clearly_ I’m faster.”

The brunette considered this for a moment, tilting her head to one side. Then, without warning, she dashed off down the corridor, laughing as she went.

“Hey!” Buffy called after her, setting off at a run. “That’s cheating!”

The only response she got was Dawn’s laughter echoing in the corridors.


End file.
